Bitterness

At first bitterness sounds like such a bad word, and full of negativity. Now lately, at work I�ve been feeling a bit bitter. The reason for this is that I seem to get the short end of the straw around here. Small things, that I never really have noticed before. Ie. Apparently all the other coops got treated to a starting and ending lunch� which I didn�t. They didn�t even change my name on the call display so it still says J Black. The other coops on my floor got trips, conferences, and USB 1 Gb Flash drives while I have some lego I can play with but I don�t keep. Etc.

Now, I think it�s my right to be bitter. Here�s my explanation!

1. The bitter brings out the sweet. It�s like dipping pineapples in salt water. (bittersweet)
   
2. I call it righteous annoyance towards injustice. If two criminals one rich and one poor are charged with the same crime. Where the poor one is sent to jail and the rich one is treated differently and let go. Is it not the right of the poor man to be a bit bitter at the system? The poor man knows he deserves what he got, but still is allowed to be annoyed towards the injustice!
   
3. I think the key word is envy. Although it would be nice to get yadda yadda stuff, I can�t say it was on my list of things I�d want so I don�t really care about the actual stuff. I think once envy comes in play the bitter becomes sour. Also the bitterness isn�t really towards people, since if I was in their position I�d do the same thing. It�s more of just a crappy situation.
   

In conclusion:
It�s everyone�s right to be bitter, as long as it doesn�t become sour. It�s like being annoyed that birds poop on your car. You can�t really be angry at the birds, you�re just annoyed at the situation. And rightly so! (that poop is acidic you know?). Oh and since someone likes the word so much, yes I know the post seems very RANDOM.

Across the River

If man gave you a billion dollars how would you act?
Would you still eat rice and take the bus?
Would you talk to your friends or make new ones?
Would you give more generously?
Would you be happier now?
Would you treat people differently?
Would you try to make even more?

If man took away all your money how would you react?
Would it be great to have rice or take the bus?
Would your friends still be there or would you have to make new ones?
Would you take from the generous?
Would or could you still be happy?
Would people treat you differently?
Would you give away 5 dollars?
On one side of the river you may live, but on the other side you could live as well.
The key word is not side, or river, but live.

Money

A friend showed me a quote. "Men are like bank accounts, without any money they don�t accumulate any interest." Also looking at how far people go for the hopes of great amounts of money, (apprentice, survivor, amazing race, and lotteries) I definitely get the appeal that money might have.

Does having a lot of money make guys/girls more appealing and attractive? Is there some connection with luxury, and money that generates this interest? Perhaps if you have more money you can be more generous? Yet if everyone was rich� no one would be rich. Hence, we all want to be richer than everyone else. We want to be better off, have things other people don�t have, and be able to go places no one else can go. That�s what we get entranced in and that�s where there is a flaw.

You can�t be better, if what makes you better can�t be bought.
The value of money is not in what you can buy. The value of money is what you make it. The value of choice is not in what the choice brings, but in that we made the choice at all.

Imagination

As children our imagination take us to places we could never be. We can go to times not scientifically possible to visit. We can talk in languages we�d never be able to understand. We can meet characters that don�t really exist, and we can sit in a room with a box and a rock and play for hours.

Imagination takes a brick and makes it interesting. While growing up takes something interesting and makes it into a brick. Ie (certain profs). However, does the imagination detach you from the reality so much that as an adult you won�t be able to live in this world without giving it up? Is maturity accepting the what is, and only going to ponder as far as what could be? Would not a child ponder what could not be? Is that the difference between an adult and a child? Sometimes you look at a child and think he�s cute when he can imagine so readily, and yet to see an adult do it, it becomes delusional.

Is the cost of imagination, a cost of growing? You can�t be realistic and imaginative at the same time because they are from two different worlds. Perhaps the question is, if we were meant to lose imagination.. why were we given the ability to do it in the first place? Hmm, the only explanation I can come up with is so we can see the things we think could not be, so they can be.

I�ve been feeling frustrated lately and so I rant. I apologize if it sounds a lot like a chant.

Sigh.

Waking up I want to remain asleep,
To continue the dreams which I thought I could keep,
I do the work, and run the errands which need running,
All day trying to maintain integrity yet cunning,
I find learning about others a great joy in life,
To understand their stresses and their strife,
Yet something is constantly at me gnawing,
Slowly but surely mind boggling clawing,
I can�t be unsatisfied for I�ve been very blessed,
With friends, family, and God�s grace all passing the test,
Yet, the small things in life are constantly bugging,
Little by little my patience they are tugging,
And when I think about it all I seem to crack,
All of a sudden self control I start to lack,
The worries and concerns of myself and others,
Appears to build way beyond just bothers,

Yet at that point I take a deep BREATH.
I know these worries and stresses only bring death.
How can I regret the choices I made?
I know, such negative feelings will only fade.
For what matters is not the trials which I face.
Only in the opportunities that have been waste.
I go to bed late, looking forward to the next sun,
For even though I stumble I�m still dared to run.

Backward Choices

A very good Christmas that I watched yesterday was Family Man.
This was the man who long ago made the choice of his career over the girl,
He became very successful, and thought he had everything.
However, he got a glimpse of the what if? Of the choice he could have made.
Of the family he didn�t have, of the wife that would have loved him. Yadda yadda yah!
So this was a great movie. However, are not the what ifs in life dangerous? Are not the regrets
a ruin of the what is? Although it�s fun to dream and wonder, if only I made this choice instead of that choice, on some level you have to believe that God doesn�t want you to regret, he wants you to keep moving.

Think of the man walking in the snow, if he keeps stopping and looking backwards he�ll freeze. But the man who keeps moving forward will get to the destination faster, and we all know the more you move the warmer you are.

Yet�. there are choices you can�t help wondering� what if?